January always brings with it a sense of all possibilities. Fresh starts, renewed focus, another chance to do even better.
This January also brings with it my fiftieth birthday, which blows my mind if I’m being honest. I’m not opposed to aging. Aging is an honor. And I am so much wiser and healthier than I was when I was younger.
But still, my mind can hardly wrap around the fact that I’m turning fifty. I feel 16. Or maybe even 24. I certainly don’t feel like I’ve been alive for a half a century. And I really can’t believe that the reality is that I likely have less time left than I have already spent.
Honestly, this hurts my heart a little bit. It brings with it a bittersweet sense of melancholy because I truly love this woman that I am getting to experience. When Spomie used to tell me that this is my favorite life I’ve ever lived I always thought he was crazy. Looking back at all of the pain and horrible things I’ve been through I was like, “No way. You’re insane.”
Yet, as I have healed and moved away from toxic relationships and as I’ve gotten to know myself better and began living more in alignment, I have fallen in love with the woman I am. No meaning to sound arrogant by any means, of course. But honestly and objectively speaking, I have such an appreciation for this woman. This woman is resilient. She is one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. There is seriously nothing she can’t get through. She is grace under pressure and naturally steps into a leadership role.
And yet she is soft. She has a tender heart that overflows with compassion and empathy. She cries easily because she is so in tune with emotion. This used to infuriate her, and she was embarrassed by this because her ego told her this was showing weakness. Now, she allows her feelings to be what they are. And if the tears come, then the tears come.
She loves deeply and she is not afraid to show it. She does tend to give more chances than people deserve. This is a weakness of hers but it stems from the fact that she can feel the true divine essence in every person and therefore gives them the benefit of the doubt. Although based in good intentions, it often leads to a lot of unnecessary hurt for her.
She is so driven. She is full and overflowing with ideas and creativity. Even so, she tends to not believe in herself enough to follow through on much of these things. She suffers from imposter syndrome often. We’re working on it.
A friend used to tell her that she could run a small nation with just Google and a credit card. Because it really seems like there is nothing she can’t accomplish if she sets her mind to it. I love that about her.
She has lived so many lifetimes inside of one. She is always growing and learning. She doesn’t like taking chances and loves her comfort zone, yet she is also brave and always expanding.
I’m really proud of her. She carries a lot of heaviness that she’s trying to figure out how to release. The beautiful thing is that I think she’s only getting started. Spomie is right. I think she’s my favorite. If anyone can change the world and inspire others to expand and tap into love, it’s her.
Her morning prayer is almost always some version of, “Use me Lord. Use me for a purpose that’s so much bigger than myself. Show me how to help people. Give me the words that will land on their hearts. Let your words flow through me. Use me to speak to your people.”
I wish her love, peace, healing, confidence, and vitality. May the rest of her years be her favorite yet. Perhaps you can all try to write a little something about yourself from an objective point of view. What would you have to say about yourself and your life? Give it a try.
Every year, I tend to have a theme for the direction I want to head. This year I think I want to focus on disciplined flow. I want to stay in the flow at all times. Never force. Force leads to burnout. I want to stay in the center of grace and allow the flow to carry me. But at the same time, I want to tap into my sense of self-discipline again.
I’m grateful to be on this journey with you. I wish you all a beautiful and happy new year. May you also find the flow and allow it to carry you this year.
XO, V.
