VSG six month post-op Gastric Sleeve! Where I’m at…
It’s hard to believe it has been six months since I’ve had bariatric surgery, but it has! Time flies! I had a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) aka “Gastric Sleeve” on August 31, 2018 at The Cleveland Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, and my surgeon was Dr. Ali Aminian.
My highest weight was 254 pounds and when I started the bariatric program, I was 247 pounds. At my heaviest weight, my BMI was 43.6. I am now about 6 1/2 months post-op and my weight is 174 and my BMI is 29! The dietician told me today that I am officially no longer in the “obese” category! I have lost 80 pounds and more than 75″ off of my body!
This is amazing and I’m still in shock! Besides meditating on a regular basis, this is the single-most important thing I’ve ever done for my health. It has been such hard work and is a lifelong commitment, but I’m so glad I did it.
When I started, I was a size 2X or 3X, or a 20/22 (depending on the clothes). Now I am weirdly sized so it’s hard to give a number…my waist is a size 14, but my butt and legs are a 12. I wear either size large or XL leggings and tops.
How I feel…
The first thing everyone always asks me is, “How do you FEEL?” Well, to be honest, not always great. lol I imagined that when I lost weight, I would be bounding with energy and would feel strong and healthy. *blank stare* No.
I love being thinner. It feels good to be able to bend over more easily. But, I am tired all the time and my joints hurt horribly. I am the weakest I’ve ever been. That is the ugly, honest truth. I actually started physical therapy and was told that even though I am eating tons of protein, I am still catabolizing and wasting most of my muscle. He said that I’m as “deconditioned as a 90 year old who has been laying in a hospital bed.” lol How is THAT for an endorsement for this surgery? ha!
I’m also told that it is just temporary and that as long as I’m eating healthy, taking my vitamins and do things to make my body stronger, it will all work out in the end. My body has just been through a MAJOR overhaul in the past six months and has taken a beating. So, with that being said, I so look forward to the day when this all averages out and stabilizes. I can’t wait to feel amazing and I trust that I will someday.
Loose skin…
And I knew I would have a changing body (I mean, duh), but I didn’t expect how self conscious I would be about some of it. I mean, I’m not normally a self-conscious person! But, as I lose the weight and I am getting loose skin, particularly in my face and neck, I find myself becoming extremely self-conscious about it.
I’ve always been someone who took meticulous care of her skin. Sunscreens, lotions, potions…you name it. I have always looked good (read: young) for my age. But I think this surgery aged me at least ten years. I’m grateful, but it hurts my heart (and my pride) if I’m being transparent and real.
No one is immune to body-image issues…
This just goes to show that even when you’re a confident person with healthy self-esteem, you aren’t immune to body image issues. We all face them. So, if you ever find yourself going through something like that, you need to know that you aren’t alone. EVERYONE goes through this. Male, female, young, old…we all have moments of insecurity or wishing something was different about ourselves. We all have delicate, vulnerable little moments where we find ourselves (inaccurately) basing our self-worth on what we see in the mirror.
If that is the only take-away you get from this, please know that you are not alone. And the second take-away needs to be that although these thoughts and feelings are real, they are all complete BULLSHIT. Those are nothing but lies and they need to be discarded as such. The TRUTH is that I have this loose skin because I am a fucking warrior! My body is a beast and has totally knocked this weight loss out of the park! These are battle scars!
Beyond that? I am worthy simply because I exist…and so are you. Our self worth is inherent and does not ebb and flow based on what we see in the mirror. For every negative thought you think about yourself, I want you to correct that stinkin’ thinkin’ with three positive ones. You are not alone and no one is judging you except for yourself.
Know what people are thinking about me? They think that I’m amazing for losing so much weight. They think that I’m strong and that I persevere. And they think I’m an inspiration. I know this because these things have been shared with me during one of my down moments. I think I am literally the ONLY person who has been judging me. And WHY would I do that? Because we can be our own worst enemies, can’t we?
So… when I find myself in a shame-spiral or with some negative self-talk, I need to immediately stop in my tracks and dismiss that crap as the lie that it is. Because none of it is true. Yes, I have loose skin on my face and neck…but so what. And so what about your stuff too. Love the skin your in! And if you have the money, go get a facelift if that makes you feel better. Either way, your worth isn’t based on that reflection and neither is mine.
We are in this thing together. Isn’t it time we showed a little love and kindness to each other? And to ourselves?
