Holy cow! What a week! I won’t bore you with the details, but it has been a week fraught with massive technical difficulties, which has made the creation and editing of the accompanying video for this post nearly impossible (at least as of this moment). But, I am determined! And it will posted as soon as I am able to get it figured out. Thanks for your patience as I figure this all out! In the meantime, please dive into this post! What are you doing to take care of yourself? Because you’re amazing and you need to be loving on yourself!
Self-love. That’s another one of those trendy buzz-words that has been floating around for the past handful of years. That and self-care. They can be used on their own or they can be used in a way that is interchangeable, but either way you cut it, they are important.
I got a handful of requests for this topic, so I know it’s something that is on your minds! I figured what better time to address self-love than Valentine’s Day? So, let’s get to it! Let’s talk about the why’s and the how’s of self-love and self-care.
Having the intention to do something caring for yourself carries a force with it that will pay off in spades. You are telling the universe that your intention is to love and care for yourself, so the universe rises to meet you there and sends you more opportunities to keep on doing it!
Why is this so important? Well, one of the main reasons is that your relationship with yourself is literally the only relationship that you will have every single day of your life. It is the single most important and longest lasting relationship of this lifetime and it deserves to be respected and nurtured.
That right there should be enough, shouldn’t it? Seriously. Shouldn’t knowing that you have to live in this same skin…in this life you have created…until your last dying breath…be enough to make you want to make this the most amazing experience ever? Why would you not want to take care of said life and fill it full of everything good, and wonderful, and awesome? Just sayin’.
Wherever you go, there you are. You are your one-true-thing. And just as in any relationship, what you tend to will thrive. So why not make it a priority to see how much you can thrive instead of merely surviving? What would it look like if you were so well loved and taken care of that you were absolutely effervescent with joy on a daily basis?
I had little pockets of this over the years, but it was hard to stay in that zone. Being a single mom, I was usually in combat mentality. I had learned how to survive and be effective under extremely stressful and trying circumstances.
The goals were simple…keep myself and my four children alive, safe, fed, and housed. Sounds simple, but it was anything but. If you’re lucky enough to have a supportive partner, you know how hard parenting and adulting is in the best of circumstances! I had to do it on my own…with four children…we had traumas we were all recovering from and nice helpings of PTSD to raise the stakes…and I had a chronic illness that made it difficult to live life.
It was my life, I lived through it. And yet reading that list, I think, “Wow, are you kidding me? She had it rough!” But back then in the moment, do you think I showed myself that same sympathy? Of course not. We are our own worst enemies! No, I beat myself up. I shame-spiraled when one of my kids was disappointed that I had to miss parent day at school or a basketball game. And I may have been there physically, but I wasn’t present all the time even when I was present.
The bottom line is this…I was exhausted, depleted, sick, depressed, lonely, scared, and beating myself up because I was all those things. Now I look back and my heart aches for the woman I was then. I wonder how I ever thought it was supposed to be any different when I was being so hard on myself and I was doing absolutely nothing to love or take care of myself. Back then I thought that putting self-first was self-ish.
Yes, of course I needed to take care of my children, but I had my priorities all wrong. What I needed to do was love and nurture all five of us. Fill all our cups, starting with mine.
The bottom line is this, and this is especially for you parents. If there is only one take away I can pass on from that experience it is this…do what you need to do to take care of yourself, because your children need you to be OK. I had no idea how important self-care was and self-love was until the past handful of years and it has changed everything about my life.
I’m not one who believes in beating yourself up about the past. I think you need to forgive yourself and move on. But if there’s one thing that keeps me up at night it’s this…if I had known or had the foresight to invest in self-care on a regular basis, and to show myself love and grace, instead of getting caught up in my head with all of the drama that surrounded me in my life circumstances, that my life and the memories my children have of me from that time would look totally different.
My outsides and the memories that we all have would have matched the ooey gooey lovey feelings that parents have for their children. There would have been more laughter and eyes that were lit up instead of a tired mom who was pulling out all the stops just to get some hot dogs warmed up and onto a paper plate (and no shame there…still one of my favorite meals! Do what you’ve gotta do parents!).
Have I sold you yet? Have you decided that you are worth investing in? That intentionally acting with self-love and care are as vital as food and breathing when it comes to your well-being? Awesome, lets dive in!
How do you do this self-care thing, anyways? I mean, you brush your teeth and scarf down food every day, isn’t that self-care? Well, yes. Technically. But let’s see if you can expand your horizons just a little bit.
It starts with an attitude of grace and mercy toward yourself. When you’re in a relationship with anyone else, whether it’s a romantic partner, family member, a coworker, or a friend, you show that person grace when they’re having a tough time. You know that they’re a human being made up of all kinds of flaws and imperfections.
Heck, they may even be irritating at times. But, they’re also made up of all this beautiful, wonderful stuff! And despite their flaws, you show them grace and you accept them how they are. That’s where the magic lies and that’s what we must do for ourselves.
When practicing self-love, this is one area where it’s OK to do what feels good in the moment. Instant gratification is something that tends to get a negative connotation, but in this circumstance? Go for it.
Does that mean you want to spend two weekends in a row painting watercolor, even though you’ve never painted before? Does that mean that you feel baking Christmas cookies, even though it’s the middle of July? Do you want to learn to needlepoint sassy pictures? Yes? Awesome! Now go do that! Do what feels good and lights up your soul (provided it doesn’t cause harm to anyone else. You know some of you need to be told that. Just sayin’). Do what brings you joy. Do you have a hobby? Then get one! Take an interest in taking an interest.
Listen to your body. What does your body need? More water? More compassion? Exercise? Healthier food? More downtime? This has been my issue lately. I’ve been pushing myself too hard and because I’m in tune with myself and my body now, I saw the signs and I pulled back. I was intentional about scheduling some down time and building in breaks.
Here are twenty-five ways to show yourself some love and care. But as you can imagine, the list is endless. The key is to do whatever lights up your soul and makes you smile.
- Meditate.
- Get a massage.
- Take five minutes to pluck your eyebrows. You’ll feel better.
- Laugh until you’re ready to pee your pants.
- Watch animal videos on fb for a whole hour if you want.
- Binge a show.
- Tend to your environment. Tidy up, make your bed, light a candle, open a window. You will feel so much better after you do!
- Self-soothe. Who says you have to get dressed on the weekend? Wear your big, fluffy robe around the house or wear those comfy clothes.
- Have a Warm drink. Make a cup of tea, coffee, or hot chocolate.
- Touch base with your friends and loved ones. Make a heart connection.
- Positive self-talk. When you pass a mirror, remind yourself that you are gorgeous and that your ass is looking particularly fine.
- Journaling and brain dumping. Better out than in!
- Some people think they are just woowoo, but they truly do work really work you guys. Find one you want to use and begin repeating it to yourself often. It can be something simple like, “I feel peaceful” or “I love the way everything always works out in my favor.”
- Practice gratitude. Write down three things every night that you are grateful for.
- Because you are amazing, write down three ways that you totally nailed it that day.
- Buy yourself a vase of flowers. Or two.
- Sit outside and read.
- Take a bath
- Get some fresh air. This can be as simple as standing outside and taking three or four slow, deep breaths in and out.
- Do your makeup and take an amazing selfie.
- Ask your closest friends to list a few things that they love about you. Then don’t argue or dismiss. Accept with gratitude and let them sink into your heart.
- Do u feel most beautiful when you have some color? Then get a spray tan or put some self-tanner on. Actually, just make self-tanner part of your morning routine from now on since it makes you look so good!
- Drink water. No, more. You know you haven’t had enough. Don’t argue, just do it.
- Make a green smoothie full of yummy fruits and hydration.
- Finally make that recipe you took a picture of from that magazine at the doctor’s office. It looks amazing and you’ll be glad you did.
My go-to self-care looks like this…
- I learned to say “no” and I practice it regularly. My down-time is precious to me now and I protect it fiercely.
- My morning routine. I need to start out my day quietly and at a slower pace, or I don’t feel good. I Meditate, have something warm to drink, and eat some nourishing food. And I usually do something positive to stimulate my mind like watch am inspiring channel on YouTube or listen to an audiobook while I’m getting ready for work.
- I’ve set an intention to read at least 10 pages per day this year. And when I think I’m too busy for it, I either have Alexa read to me or I listen to audio books on Audible. I’m currently listening to You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero (affiliate link)
- Eight hours of sleep every night.
- Drinking hot cup of something.
- When I come home from work I cocoon for at least 15 to 20 minutes in order to do a kind of a control alt delete.
- Journal my dreams and look at the meanings of them. It gives me a lot of insight into what my guides are trying to communicate and to what my subconscious is working through.
- My phone goes on “Do Not Disturb” automatically between certain hours of the day.
- I would say the number one thing I’ve learned to do to take care of myself is to stay single when I know I have personal work and growth to do. Hands down, this is the biggest gift I’ve given myself. Sometimes I wish I had some companionship, but overall, I LOVE being single and am so grateful that I took the past few years to invest in myself.
This was kind of a long post, but that’s okay because it is necessary. What’s sad is that most of us really need it broken down to us like this because we are so bad at self-care! Consider this your official permission slip to take care of yourself. Seriously…go do some yoga or something.
xoxo,
Veronica
I would love to start writing what I dream about! It is crazy how much I dream and very vivid ones too! I’d love to dive into their meanings, it would be quite interesting. Now that I don’t have small kids and all of the hustle and bustle of driving to and from kid’s car pool to and from school and after school activities and sports, you’d think I’d have tons of time for ME. But I don’t. I continue living for others. lol. I will try harder to love myself and slow down. I know it is much needed. Thank you for the reminder!
I’ve been working on this too! I haven’t gotten as disciplined as I want to be but I’m getting there slowly. One thing I have managed to get down is I have my coffee in the morning while i sit and relax. I need that moment to tackle the day. Hoping to implement a lot of other things as the days go by too. Thanks for sharing!