When thinking about April and what I would write in this blog, I had planned to make it about the excitement and vibrancy of Spring. About the beauty that surrounds us and the life you can literally smell in the air. About fresh starts and exciting new beginnings. And while all that remains true, things took a different direction for me.
Perhaps I’m in some sort of an energy hangover from the downloads of the last few weeks. I’m in a down cycle of integrating and processing all that information and energy of recent days. Perhaps it’s a consequence of my prayers to help me unblock any baggage or issues clogging up my chakras so that I can continue to grow. Perhaps it’s a crash back to Earth from all the hard work I’ve put into my business over the past several weeks. Who knows. All I know is that I came crashing down from my energetic high of the great space coaster I was on, and moved to this sad, melancholic, existential crisis that has taken me by surprise.
I’m not worried about it because I know it will pass. What goes up, must come down, and vice versa. The question is why am I here? My initial prayer was to help me snap out of it, but now I’ve settled into a stillness where I am holding space for myself to feel whatever is needing felt in the moment. Allowing God and spirit to comfort me. To love on me and reassure me. To be still and know, “…that in the end all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well…” (Julian of Norwich).
I’m awash in feelings of disappointment and feeling harsh toward myself. Feeling let down and disillusioned about every relationship and friendship I’ve had. Feeling disconnected from everyone and everything and feeling completely alone in the world. You know, the normal feelings we all feel from time to time. Except, I rarely allow myself to feel those things. I’m always a glass-half-full, rose-colored glasses kind of person. I push the negativity down and remind myself that I am blessed and to find the gratitude.
Which is valid to a point. But sometimes you have to not bypass those feelings and give yourself permission to say, “I know it will all turn out okay, but can I just admit that XY or Z sucks? I’m not where I want to be or thought I would be. That relationship was very disappointing. I miss that other person. I wish my kids were all still small and living with me. I wish I could go back in time and do this or that over again. I’m so frustrated with myself that I let this good habit go or that I cut my hair… blah blah blah.” Give yourself permission to just feel the sad and disappointing feelings. Does everything suck? No. But do some things suck? Absolutely. And these past few days, I am feeling ALL. THE. SUCK.
I’m reminded of the Bible verse Isaiah 61:3 that says God gives beauty for ashes. Sometimes you just need to sit in your big pile of burnt ashes of sadness, grief, and disappointment over all the things that didn’t work out in life and allow the universe to send the soft rains of spring to wash them all away. Let the gentle raindrops mix with your tears, let it saturate and nourish the dry and barren ground so that beautiful gardens can grow all around you.
As I finish typing this, things are already getting better. My Amelia messages me to tell me she is 22 weeks pregnant today and is feeling her little boy kick. And just like that, I’m awash in gratitude.
Don’t be afraid to feel all the feelings. Go ahead and feel the dark stuff, just don’t camp out and live there. There is sadness, but there is always oh so much good. God always restores. There is no pain without a reason and there will always be beauty for ashes if you seek it.
April showers bring May flowers so don’t be afraid of the rain. The smart things to do is to have routines in place that help comfort and nurture you until you’re feeling better. So, I think that’s what we will focus on this month. Not just comfort routines, but routines in general. Establishing daily, monthly, yearly routines plus some extra as-needed routines for when you’re feeling down or sick or whatever the case may be. Times when you need to take care of yourself. Anyone have any ideas? Any routines that you already love? Please share them in the comments!
Xo,
Veronica
“Don’t be afraid to feel all the feelings.”
I agree! But then you can choose what feelings are resonated with your goals!
1. So, the best routine is to imagine that all my goals came true! How do i feel now that i am…. How do i feel now that i have… (It works better if you write it down and then you write it again by rephrasing it.)
2. I love watching videos of babies laughing! They are so cute!
3. Ι like to watch satirical shows or stand up comedy.
4. I listen to my favorite music.
5. I watch videos with my nephiew.
6. I retrieve some good memories in my mind as they are a movie in replay.
7. Lately I’ve been using my breath. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. When exhaling I imagine that all the unnecessary energy comes out of my body like smoke and reaches the edge of the universe. I repeat a few times. Then as I inhale I imagine coming from the sky a beam of light containing many small stars with a strong light, which diffuses my whole body!
ps: I used firefox to post it.
I’m so glad it finally worked for you! I was doing some research and it said that there could be a few causes but most of the time it is the cache needing cleared either on my site or on your browser (or both). So I just cleared it. Hopefully that has a good effect.
I love your suggestions! A lot of them are the same for me. 🙂
xo,
V.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us!! I too am a very “happy “ positive person , even when I’m not!! However, Yesterday I was sharing with my Intuitive Healer that these last couple of weeks, I’ve felt “cutoff” from family…feeling like I have no friends … and I’ve felt’scared’. So thank you for sharing your story here. I don’t feel so alone and know that this too shall pass. Have a blessed day
Thank you Carol. Yes, I think it’s a shift that we are all feeling right now.
From Willie: “Wow. Not only did I need to read this at this time, but you helped me in so many ways. I too have been feeling alot of these same feelings. I put a face to the world that nothing is bothering me, when in fact this is a lie. But the biggest difference is that since I started my journey (and you know you been a very big part of this) I don’t let these feelings keep me down. Ever since I saw your video (the one about letting your heart and soul deal with your emotions and not just ignore them,) I give time to these feelings for my body to process it and move on. Before my journey I would let my feelings and feelings of other people keep me down. So Thank You so much for not only sharing, but for also showing that we all go through these feelings in our own ways.”