Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me?

I had to share what happened today.

Perspective is an amazing thing.  Simply by tuning the camera lens to a different focus you get an entirely different view. I had something happen today that did just that.  It completely flipped my perspective and cannon blasted me smack into the middle of my personal power (hello solar plexus chakra).

A threatening note was found by my door yesterday.  Could be kids playing and it blew into my yard, could be intentional.  I reported it to the police and am moving on with my life.

Today, I was talking to my daughter Amelia about it and how my very first thought was that it could be her dad. She said, “I don’t know Mom, he’s pretty afraid of you.” Every cell in my brain perked up on alert and I was like…… TELL ME MORE.

Most of you know the history there.  Abusive ex, lived in fear for years, blah blah blah.  My solar plexus chakra was soooo blocked because of being in fear of this man. Living in a frightened, cowering state.  So when she said that I was like, huh?

She said, “Yeah when we met with him in January (because WE had reached out to him), he said, ‘I NEVER would have reached out to you first because I’m too afraid of a restraining order and the hell your mom would unleash on my life.’” A smile slowly spread across my lips and I asked her to continue.

She said, “Do you remember that time several years ago that I thought I saw him at the college and it terrified me and you called the police?” 

I did remember. She thought he was following her around campus.  She called me in a panic. I called the police, the campus security, and his parole officer.  The cops drove her home and said they couldn’t find him on campus but would follow up with him.

She continued, “Well, he said it wasn’t him but that night his house was raided and he almost went back to jail.  He also said that any time he tried to open social media you had it shut down.  He said he’s terrified of you and of going back to prison.”

I nodded my head and quietly said, “Good.  He should be.” Taylor Swift’s song, “Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me?” began playing in my head as a sort of anthem and ever since that moment, I feel so different.

Is it possible that I have been living in fear of him for years at the same time that he was hiding and afraid of ME? I hate that for me but I have to admit that I love that for him.  If the only thing I accomplish in this life is for him to know that if he steps out of line to hurt my child or any other that I will be swooping in like a superhero to shut. him. down, that is enough for me.

See, honestly, he hardly ever crosses my mind anymore.  He has to register as a sexual predator on the Sheriff’s website.  I rarely check on him anymore.  Maybe a few times per year.  I google him maybe once or twice a year.  BUT, for a period of time there?  I looked him up EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  Every day I checked every social media for him and if he opened an account, I messaged the site his info and had him shut down. 

I was on him like second skin. So, I was honestly thrilled that the fear of God was put into him that I’m not playing around. Basically a message of fuck around and you will find out.  I won’t start it but I will tell you how it ends. 

My point in all of this is that since I learned that he actually did receive the message and that I successfully conveyed that he should be very afraid of me, I felt my solar plexus chakra blow open. 

Now, is it the healthiest to be operating out of ego and satisfaction that I intimidated this monster?  Technically probably not.  But it’s a start and I’ll take it. I feel released from the shackles of the fear and intimidation and am back to feeling like myself again.  Powerful.  Confident.  Capable.  Regal. Unfuckablewith. 

Who’s afraid of little old me?  You should be.